Marked on the calendar is the day that you fear
Its cat worming time it comes around twice a year
Not a job for the timid or those of faint heart
You must gather your courage and just make a start
Wrestling the pill from its tin foil packet
Is quite hard to do without making a racket
But you mustn’t do anything to arouse his suspicion
Cunning and stealth are a must on this mission
Around the living room door, you take a quick peep
He’s there on the sofa he appears sound asleep
Armed with a towel on tip-toe you go
But he opens one eye tell me how does he know
You pounce there’s a struggle a bit of a fight
But you’ve got him at last he’s wrapped up quite tight
Tablet grasped firmly between thumb and forefinger
You prise his mouth open there’s no time to linger
But suddenly all hell and the cat both break loose
You can’t hold him at all it’s like wrestling a moose
Your cute little pussycat with soft velvet paws
Has turned into a hairball with six-inch-long claws
Straight up the wall goes one angry cat
You thought only spiders and flies could do that
It’s then that you get that bad sinking feeling
How on earth do you get him down from the ceiling?
Quick pass the broom from the kitchen you cry
As he clings to the lightshade a mean glint in his eye
He’s hissing and spitting with all of his might
But you manage to weaken his hold on the light
Using you for a springboard he makes for the door
But you manage to catch him as he hits the floor
Victory is short lived and you’re losing all hope
It’s like trying to hold on to a wet bar of soap
You roll around the carpet, suddenly he’s flaunting
A fine set of teeth it’s really quite daunting
Your nerve starts to go a thought forms in your mind
They’re the size of a tigers (the sabre-toothed kind)
By the scruff of the neck you grab him and hold
Cats lay still when you do this or so you’ve been told
But still there ensues an almighty struggle
The cat and the tablet you’re having to juggle
When breakthrough! The tablet is there in his mouth
He just needs to swallow to make it head south
You hold his jaws shut it’s a battle of wills
For everyone knows that cats hate taking pills
Suddenly he reverts to a cute bundle of fluff
He seems to be saying enough is enough
Then he’s gone through the cat flap as quiet as a mouse
And you turn to survey what is left of the house
The curtains are shredded, the ornaments smashed
The furniture turned over, the house has been trashed
Your arms are all scratched your head is still reeling
There’s blood on the floor the walls and the ceiling
You feel you’ve been trampled by a whole herd of cattle
But still think that maybe you’ve just won the battle
It’s then that you see it all soggy and wet
The tablet so highly revered by the vet
Lying there where he’d spat it on his way out
Of winning this battle he’d never had a doubt
It suddenly dawns and you realise that
You’ve just been outwitted by that blooming cat
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